It’s amazing. I feel like a pro. Slightly overwhelmed by the size and quality of my tools, though. But I’m quite cozy otherwise. Also, I can totally just hide behind my table and sit up comfortably or sleep. It’s like I’ve got a little cave. I feel like a kid. And I’m so glad to have that bean bag chair.
I finished another graphic design job and I swear I think it should be my last. I love graphic design. It’s something that fascinates me. But I don’t think I’m cut out to work in that field. I’m not comfortable with other people telling me what to do and I have to almost erase my personality from everything. It’s just not my style. I prefer illustration, where I can at least have some freedom to do what I want and not get reprimanded for it. Not sure if that comes from a background of not taking critique well or just pure stubbornness. Either way, it looks like I’ve got a solid amount of work to do in comics for the next few years, so I’d much rather focus on that. And anyway, I’m not so sure I can fit in the “well-being” aspect in quite the same amounts in graphic design work than comics and illustration. Interesting lesson learned, wouldn’t you say?
Also, I spent the weekend at two cottages and it helped. I feel like shit, actually. I wish I could write it in caps because it’s screaming in my head but I’m not sure I want it to be that easily noticeable. Before you go on and think I’m crazy, you should know that I made a decision to work with emotions and emotional things (though you probably already know this about me), something society sees as a weakness, but should definitely be talked about because it’s all very relatable. But I have to say that although it’s gratifying to see the results, and to know that I’m doing the right thing by helping society feel that it’s ok to be emotional, it also weighs me down a lot. By making my priority I basically just accepted all these emotions and they do get overwhelming a lot. I just have to find a way not to let things get to me so much. But I think that’s also why I draw. Because as much as making comics helps others, it also helps me. And in fact, it helps me regardless of whether it helps others or not, so I feel like you lot are on the losing side of things, if there is a losing side… When I draw, time stops, problems vanish, everything around me just disappears, and I can let go of everything that’s bothering me. It’s something I never stopped doing for too long (until I realized not doing it was the cause of my irritability), and I can’t imagine a world where I wouldn’t be doing it anymore… if you have something that makes you feel like that, my advice, is stick to it, and use it to do good. If you haven’t found what that thing is yet, I suggest you go out and try to find it. Make sure it’s something productive and positive- something that’s not going to hurt you or anyone else. That’s how you get the double win.
I wish you the best.